Inspiring Big Dik Gypsy Fortune Teller Story-The Mad Cowz Nov 2, 2020

Big Dik went to see the Gypsy Fortune Teller again.  Some time had passed since his last visit.  He spotted her in her tent staring into a crystal ball.


“Hello” said Big Dik “How are you?” “Aha” said the Gypsy Fortune Teller.  I have been very well and you?”  “Not bad” said Big Dik “I” “Stop!”  cried the Gypsy “I know why you’re here..”  “Really?” asked Big Dik “Of course” said the Gypsy “Sit down.”  Big Dik sat down opposite her.


“You are looking for two things, Correct?”  asked the Gypsy.  “Yes I’m…” said Big Dik. “Looking for band members for a new band you want to form and a band name for the band..” finished the Gypsy fortune teller.  Big Dik stared at her “How did you know?” stammered Big Dik.  “Listen I know everything remember?” Said the Gypsy.  “I was hoping that had changed..” said Big Dik looking away.  “No I know everything Big Dik everything, you know but in a good way.”  She said.


Big Dik felt better “That’s great” he said “You know I appreciate the help.”  “I know” said the Gypsy “You are a good boy Big Dik..”  Big Dik smiled.  “Thank you” he said.  I’m looking forward to your help, you were so helpful last time.  “Yes” said the Gypsy “That’s why I’m here”.  She held up one hand and stared into her crystal ball “Wait” she said, the orb glowing darkly “Here it comes…”


Big Dik leaned forward the air around them seemingly becoming electric.  “Yes” said the Gypsy “The answer from beyond..”  Big Dik sat patiently.  “Yes” said the Gypsy Fortune Teller “Yes…  For players for your next band you must… must…  “Yes?” Asked Big Dik “Go to a mountain top?  Get them from my old bands?  Are they about to appear in front of me?”  “No!” cried the Gypsy “You must…”  Big Dik leaned forward “You must…. Advertise on Craigslist!!  Cried the Gypsy “Then they will come to you!”


“Are you sure? Asked Big Dik “Could it be that simple?”  “Of course!” said the Gypsy Fortune Teller “When you do that they will come!”  Big Dik stared at her “But Craigslist is so..”  “What?  Said the Gypsy “Useful?  “Well..” stammered Big Dik “It is pretty good I guess..”  “Oh yes” said the Gypsy “Remember when I said I never pay retail for anything? “Yes I remember” said Big Dik “that’s a big part of how I don’t… Craigslist is full of bargoons of many kinds” she declared “You will find your band members there..”


“Ok!  Said Big Dik I will do it.  I will start advertising on Craigslist right away.”  “Good” said the Gypsy “You’ll see..” “Ok” said Big Dik “Now what about a band name?”  The Gypsy Fortune Teller held up one hand and pointed back at her crystal ball that was now glowing and vibrating.  “There is the answer Big Dik..  Deep inside the glowing orb” “Yes” she said “Yes..”  “It is coming to me..”  She seemed to swell in size as the crystal ball became blacker and blacker… “Yes! She cried “The answer is…  The answer is… “ “Yes?” asked Big Dik “Yes!”  “The answer is The Mad Cowz! “ cried the Gypsy.  “Are you sure? Asked Big Dik “Of course!” declared the Gypsy “The Mad Cowz with a Z!  That’s it..  The answer from beyond!!” cried the Gypsy.


“Wow!” said Big Dik “You are great and what a name. The Mad Cowz is so good!! “Yes thank you” said the Gypsy Fortune Teller “You know with band names it’s so important to misspell something..”  Big Dik nodded in agreement “You know that’s what I do.. “ he said.  “Yes” said the Gypsy “I noticed..”  “Are you sure no one else has that name The Mad Cowz?” asked Big Dik.  “Positive” said the Gypsy “If anyone says anything you send them to me..  I will straighten them out.” 

“Plus it ties into the ongoing Man-Made Anthropogenic sixth Mass Extinction. Mad Cowz disease is all part of that too” declared the Gypsy. “It’s all part of the same nightmares caused by Hyper-Greed and certain Homo Sapiens which are Humans” said the Gypsy. Big Dik nodded in agreement “Yes I know” he said. ‘We need to tell people about that so The Mad Cowz is a perfect tie in. “You know some European settler type human-Homo Sapiens have forgotten they are actually a species, which is very bad” said the Gypsy. “They have lost their minds” she said “and you know God is just now starting and is going to kick their ass for the rest of their lifetimes for being so stupid!” She declared. “You’re right!” said Big Dik “I have been talking about this since before 2015”.

“I can’t believe they’re that stupid” said The Gypsy “but you know they’re in Ivory Towers of some kind and are all very stupid. You know” confided the Gypsy “Those guys drink too much every day…” She proclaimed “That’s why they’re so stupid and reckless. They are hammered all the time!” “I can believe that” said Big Dik. “Like I said God is starting to kick their asses right now and will kick their asses for the 10,000 lifetimes and then send them to Hell for being so stupid” She said. “I believe that” said Big Dik. “That’s what The Mad Cowz is a perfect name for you on that level too. “ She declared “It will remind everyone about the ongoing Man-Made extinction crisis that Mad Cowz disease is a part of too“ she said “So it’s a perfect name for you and your band Big Dik! You must remind people every day about this.”

“I want everyone including you to join Extinction Rebellion too!” She said. “How do you know about Extinction Rebellion? “I remember and know everything” she said “They are among the few people taking this seriously so far. We need everyone to join them. You can see I have the Extinction Rebellion logo in my tent” she said pointing behind her. Big Dik saw the symbol there. “I’m doing all I can to help!” She said “You do everything you can too ok Big Dik?” Big Dik Nodded “Ok” “You are a good boy. Now go get busy with the new band The Mad Cowz and spreading the word about this Man Made Extinction crisis that is so deadly. You will be a big success on every level... I promise! “She declared.

“Thank you” said Big Dik handing the Gypsy 100 dollars “You are always so great!”  Big Dik gave her another fifty dollars as a tip.  “You’re welcome “ said the Gypsy pocketing the cash.  “You are a good boy Big Dik. Now go form your new band The Mad Cowz, spread the word about the Man-Made extinction crisis, everyone join Extinction Rebellion and please stay in touch” said the Gypsy “You will be a big success with everything…”  Big Dik stumbled off..





-Big Diks Encounter With The Aliens- for his 2019 Big Dik Covers Album


BD went to look for the cover for his new album Big Dik Covers.  After going through all his older pics he decided to use the funny picture of him seated in the big crane that he had become famous for.  He went to the Aliens who are basically in charge of everything here on Earth and showed them to see what they thought.


“I don’t like it” said the first alien, “you’ve used that picture too much.”  “I agree” said the second one “you need something new.”  The third one remained silent.  “What do you think?”  Big Dik asked him.  “I tell you I don’t like it either... I think maybe we need to send you back for another probe.”  “Please no more probes!!” said Big Dik “You know I did pay extra last time but I don’t think that’s necessary now!”  “Yes we remember” said all the aliens, looking away...  “We’ll see ...” “we’ll see...” Big Dik thought fast.


“Okay how about if I put you guys on the cover?”  asked Big Dik.  “You know all three of you all posing together.  How would that be?”  “I can see you’re a very good-looking group!” he said.  The three Aliens chatted together for a while... “Okay “said the third alien “You can use our picture” and handed one to Big Dik.  “We like your other covers with that blue heart thing you've got going so here’s a pic of us with your ironically coloured Blue Heart!”


 “Aha good idea!” said Big Dik “Do you want to know why it’s blue?  “No!”  said all the aliens “we don’t want to know about that.”  “It’s enough that we’re on the cover...  It’s good!”  “Now get out there and put that album out, it’s going to be as huge success...”  “We can feel that as surely as we can feel a clean colon!”  said all the aliens “It’s going to be great!”  “Okay!” “And thanks you guys!” bellowed Big Dik “I’ll get her done!”  “Good for you!” they said “Now go.”


Big Dik stumbled off and looked at the picture... “Those guys are really photogenic!” he thought to himself “Hmmm... Maybe I can use them again…”  “We’ll see...”  “Now let’s get that album out and find a new band...”  “Hmmm...”  “I wonder if those aliens can play?”  He stumbled off…


- End -



Big Diks encounter with an Ogopogo- Aug 24, 2018

In Okanagan Lake after starting recording for his latest album Welcome to Turtle Island - Ogopogo's are the Canadian equivalent to the Loch Ness monster - See below for the inspiring Ogopogo story…


Big Dik says - Quote:  For the past few months I’ve been recording my next album “Welcome to Turtle Island” on the  shores of Okanagan Lake, a huge inland freshwater lake in Canada.  I had borrowed the Rolling Stones mobile recording studio truck/lorry that Deep Purple had used back in the day at Montreaux.  I had shipped it over here in May so I could use it throughout the summer.  I have it parked on the shoreline and am recording live outside on a stage I have set up there overlooking the lake.


I was working on my song “Deep in the Mountain” when I noticed something slowly approaching in the lake.  It then stopped.  It was there for about twenty minutes, it appeared to be listening!  I could see it’s neck and head.  After I stopped playing the creature slowly slid below the surface out of sight.  I asked one of the local native Indians what it was and he said “It’s an Ogopogo”.  “Are you sure?” I asked  “Yes”  he sad.  “We know about Ogopogo’s.  She is sacred”.  “How do you know it’s a she?”  I asked”.  “Well” he said “If you look closely you can tell.  That one was a female, but there’s males too”  he said.  “Wow” I thought “That’s a big lake!  And very deep”.  “Yes very deep” said the Indian.  “And she seems to like Prog Rock”  I said.  “Yes” said the Indian “You should have been here in the 60’s.  It was unbelievable”  “I knew it!”  I thought.  “that’s what I’ve said a thousand times!”.  “Me too” said the Indian smiling “Me too”.


I spent the next 2 and ½ months recording and have seen the Ogopogo 3 more times.  Each time I’ve been unable to get a picture, the Ogopogo only comes when I’m playing, so I’m hoping to get some female volunteers up here to help me out on many levels.  The Ogopogo seems very intelligent to me, very calm and very large.  She seems to like the distorted Hammond/Leslie organ run through old tube guitar amp sounds, and of course the old school mono-synths.  I’m very happy to have seen her and hope I will again!  It was great.




There you have it folks Big Dik swears it’s all true.  I hope The Rolling Stones don’t mind BD still has their truck…



- Now See Below for First Historical Inspiring Big Dik Gypsy Fortune Teller Story!!


Here’s Some More background Info…  BD had sworn there would be no downloads of any kind, this is from a Big Dik 2016 Big Dik News Flash!!!  Quote: All thirteen albums are now available as Downloads from stores like iTunes, Amazon, Bandcamp and CD Baby etc., They can also be heard streaming from sites like Spotify, iTunes  and Amazon etc.  What happened??  Did they get to Big Dik? 


- January 3, 2016 - After seeing some of the early sales numbers from 2015, Big Dik went to see a Gypsy Fortune Teller…  He sat down across from her… “Hello”  said Big Dik, “I am troubled, and was wondering if you could help me out…  My name is...”.  “Stop!!” said the Gypsy holding up her hand.  “I know who you are and what you do….”.  “Really?”  asked Bik Dik.  “Yes…  everything” said the Gypsy looking away, “Please continue..”.  “Well” Big Dik continued, “I released an album in 2014 called Big Dik Blak Live at Valhalla...”.  “Yes” said the Gypsy, “I know that…  It is truly one of the great live albums of our times …  I love your version of “I’m a Man…”  and of course “Marseilles””.  “I’m glad you like it” said Big Dik, “the problem is, I have only had limited sales in 20 “.  “Stop!!” interrupted the Gypsy, holding up her hand.


 “I know what your going to say...  Why are you only having limited sales when that album is so good?” she said.  Big Dik nodded, “Exactly…  You know it’s available in almost every record store in Canada, off my website, Indiepools’ website, Amazon...”  “Stop!!” said the Gypsy, “I know all this already… Let me look into my crystal ball…”  she looked deep into the glowing orb...  “Yes,” she said, “There it is….   the answer…..  beckoning… to me...”.  Big Dik looked uncomfortably at his watch, then looked around…  “Uh…“ he said.  “Be patient!!” declared the gypsy.  “Yes I see it now...” she said, staring creepily into the distance.


 “It’s 2016” she said, “You have to get with the times…  Allow downloads and streaming of your fabulous album… A CD only album, although born from a noble sentiment, is too limited… You have to let it all hang out, so to speak…”  Big Dik stared at her, “Are you sure?!?   Remember what happened last time…  They stole my things…  I got frozen and then arrested!!”  “Yes” said the Gypsy, “That was true then but now I say…  If you don’t hang out your fruit, no one can pluck it from your vine!!  Now sign here… and here… and here…  Give me $50” she said, “No wait… 70”.  Big Dik gave her $100.  “You are a good boy Big Dik” she said, “Do you want to go in the bushes?”  “Yes!!” said Big Dik, immediately cheering up.  “Too bad!!” cried the Gypsy, “Your time is up!!  Go!!”  She stared creepily into the distance…  Big Dik stayed put.


“You’ve done the right thing” she said reassuringly.  “I hope so” said Big Dik, “I told everyone that I would never allow Downloads or Streaming of any kind!!”  “If anyone asks…” pronounced the Gypsy, “You send them to me… and remember” she continued, “because of International music licensing issues, you can’t sell downloads of Big Dik Blak Live at Valhalla yourself, from your Big Dik website...”  “Wh.. what the…” Big Dik stammered, “are you sure?”  The Gypsy nodded sternly, “Yes.. but because your next album, “Big Dik Blak - The Truth is Hard”, is all original Big Dik songs, you can sell downloads of that one from your website.”  Big Dik’s eyes glazed over, as a deep throbbing pain started shooting from his proboscis.  “Right… makes sense… Oh well…  OK...” Big Dik wearily agreed.  “I’ll do it”.  “Good… Now Go!!” demanded the gypsy, pointing at the door of the tent.


“Wait… What about iTunes?” asked Big Dik.  “That was the second page you signed.” said the Gypsy, “You always read things before you sign them right?”  Big nodded, “Good!” said the Gypsy… “Now go!!.  “Wait” said Big Dik, “how will I tell the fans?”  “Put it on your Big Dik Website.” said the Gypsy…  “How do you know about my website?” asked Big Dik.  “Listen said the Gypsy, “I know everything… are you kidding me??  Do you think I pay retail for anything??”  The Gypsy smirked, “No… No….  ” She looked up intensely, “now” said the Gypsy, “you will see your Big Dik album, your Big Dik swag sales, and your Big Dik fan base, expand again and again… get it?”  Big Dik nodded.  “Good.. You are a good boy Big Dik…” smiled the gypsy, “Please stay in touch… Now... Go!!”.  Big Dik stumbled off… “She’s terrific!!” he thought to himself, “and  a real Gypsy… Wow!!”   “I’m sure she’s right about the music too…”  Big Dik felt better.  “Now back to work “ he quipped, “I gotta get that next album, “The Truth is Hard” out there, as soon as possible…  I wonder if that Gypsy has a sister?  Hmmm…”


So there it is fans  - Big Diks albums are now available at iTunes and other download sites.  Big Dik says “Please download the whole albums, if possible!”  They were designed as a package, and that’s why he’s selling them that way.  Also please tell your friends, family and co-workers!!  Thanks fans!!  Now back to…






Big Dik’s Stories

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Title:                                               UPC             DPP Cat#


BD-Live At Valhalla                                    829982-158048    DPP-0007

BD-The Truth Is Hard                                 829982-172464     DPP-0008

BD-Tales From Wreck Deck                    829982-175113     DPP-0009

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BD-More Big Dik Covers                          829982-215420     DPP-0028

PD-Live At The Queens                              829982-177476     DPP-0011

PD-Double Live At Valhalla                         829982-180643     DPP-0012

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PD-Never Said I Love You                           829982-202024     DPP-0020

PD-Triple New Years Live at Valhalla          829982-205476    DPP-0022

PD-Triple St Patricks Day Live At Valhalla   829982-213822   DPP-0023

PD-More St Patricks Day Live At Valhalla    829982-213839   DPP-0024

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PD-Double Live At Valhalla Complete           829982-215390    DPP-0033

PD-Live At The Queens Complete                 829982-215406   DPP-0030

PD-The Unmarked Grave                               829982-215383     DPP-0031

PD-Triple Valentines Day Live At The Royal   829982-215369  DPP-0032

PD-Darkness You Can Make It             829982-215376    DPP-0034

TR-The Rash                                            829982-175779     DPP-0010

TR-At The End of The Line                     829982-182869     DPP-0013

TR-Deceived Me                                       829982-182876     DPP-0014

TR-I Will Not Move                                  829982-184764     DPP-0015

TR-Midnight Pain Train                          829982-184757     DPP-0016

TR-Don’t Hog The Covers                      829982-185860     DPP-0017

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